This house was built for laser tag.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
