the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
