Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
