I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
