This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
