I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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