YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
