On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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