i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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