hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
