i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
