It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
