you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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