No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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