And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
