when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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