YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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