Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
