so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
