Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
