i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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