1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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