I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
