i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
