How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
