If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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