You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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