Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
