Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
