this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
