first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
