Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
