I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
