it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
