Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
whose parrot is this?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
