I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
