But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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