we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
