Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just found puke in my bra..
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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