We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
