after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
