A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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