found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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