If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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