I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
