hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
