sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
