He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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