beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
