I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
3pm strippers are depressing
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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