She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
